“Why are you still single?”
I could no longer count how many
times I’ve been asked that question. And to each single time that I’m having
the feeling that my relationship status is in the limelight, I’m already on the
lookout for the most clever or unimaginable response I could come up with. At
times, I would put the blame on my previous relationships which made me give up
temporarily on the idea of love. Other times, I would kid them saying “Who
knows, the convent doors are waiting for me!” And to my every uttered response,
I always get a look of disbelief in return.
I have always been amused at why
people were so curious about my relationship status, probably because those who
knew me back then observed that I never went by without a romantic
relationship. I won’t deny that. In fact, I have spent years of my early 20s
enjoying how it was to be with someone you call bae, baby, and all those mushy
names you can label them. The co-dependent person who I was back then was so
terribly clingy and couldn’t do things on my own that I couldn’t last for more
than 4 months without a boyfriend. Worse was, I was so wound up in the idea
that all it takes is love to make a relationship last.
But I was totally wrong. Good for
me, time, experience and definitely
divine intervention allowed me to grow in the aspect of love that even I did
not expect I would still end up being single (and dateless) until now, which I
reckon is the best phase of my life, so far.
Having gone out of a traumatic
relationship, it wasn’t easy for me to pick up every little broken yet still
beautiful pieces of me. I searched for something that could satisfy my need for
love and happiness but sadly, I still ended up feeling empty and unfulfilled. I
dated a few but none of them seemed to be someone I could imagine myself
growing up old with. Plus, my
insecurities and my constant fear of not being good enough for anyone continued
to haunt me that it made me build my defenses higher every time I attempted to
let someone in.
Until one time, a friend of mine
invited me to join a prayer meeting of their Catholic charismatic community –
Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon Davao. It was a Catholic charimastic community of
young, single, working professionals who dedicate their life to winning others
into a relationship with Christ. I was hesitant to give in to such invitation
thinking that my ways were already enough for me to qualify as a good
Christian, or nonetheless, a good individual. Besides, I was very busy back
then, juggling time between work, blogging events and social life, that I can
no longer accommodate another task in my schedule. I also had the notion that being
a part of a community was no longer necessary since I thought was already doing
okay in my Christian life. But since my friend’s invitation was persistent, I
had not choice but to give in.
Eventually, as I sat down on the
talks given during the Christian Life Series (CLS) of Lingkod Davao, I began to
ponder on my previous activities and discovered that indeed things really happened
for a reason, and that my relationships failed because God wanted me to focus
first on my relationship with Him before I preoccupy myself with my
relationship with others. The series of talks instilled in me a more profound meaning
of the popular verse “God is love”, because it led me to realizing that not
having known God would really equate to not knowing how great and best love can
be.
At the time when I was slowly
picking the minute pieces of my broken heart, there I saw Him, standing in
front of me, holding a bigger chunk, safely keeping more pieces of it and asking
me to surrender the pieces I was tightly gripping within my hands. I had no
choice but to let Him in.
And with that, I got to know God more intimately through a deeper connection with Him which eventually changed the way I see love - that love has always been around me even if it doesn’t seem to look like what I thought it to be.
Love appeared in the guise of forgiveness,
when I was called to take the moral high ground when it came to dealing with
difficult and unlovable people - most especially those who hurt me, those who
betrayed me, because instead of getting back at them with anger and vengeance,
the best thing I reciprocated them is forgiveness knowing that they are my
brother or sister in Christ whom I am called to love.
Love even disguised itself in challenges, because while others see challenges as something to be dreadful and evaded, I began to embrace these stumbling blocks as stepping stones and opportunities for God’s amazing power to intervene and fill in my weakness. God has always brought out the best of me in every challenge I encounter.
Love got more evident in the
middle of calamity and poverty, and that in these situations we face, our
desire to help and be of service to others became more intensified. That even if
we no longer have anything to give, we sacrifice for the benefit of others.
Love appeared to me in the faces of familiar people - my loving family, my trusted friends, my supportive community, including strangers whom God has used to deliver His message and love and whose kindness, support and loyalty continued to strengthen me when I was running out of enthusiasm.
Love burst out in the form of our own brokenness- that life wasn't always a bed of roses, that sometimes we even have to let go of things that were not meant for us. Sometimes our hearts are meant to be broken in order to share the tiny pieces of our hearts to many instead of just giving it to one. Had I not been out of a relationship, I would not be renewed and transformed in faith and discover my purpose in life of being a blessing to others.
Love burst out in the form of our own brokenness- that life wasn't always a bed of roses, that sometimes we even have to let go of things that were not meant for us. Sometimes our hearts are meant to be broken in order to share the tiny pieces of our hearts to many instead of just giving it to one. Had I not been out of a relationship, I would not be renewed and transformed in faith and discover my purpose in life of being a blessing to others.
Love is grace and grace is love. Imperfect that I am, God’s tiny miracles in my life still never runs out - a
constant manifestation of His unceasing love.
All of these I only knew about love when I knew about God.
Love also translates into giving back all the glory to God, and I can only do so by committing myself in service to the community and to all the people around me. As of now, I pushed myself to let other people know how blessed I am in His interventions by sharing personal anecdotes, words of wisdom, and my reflections in my social medial channels which is what I considered to be my mission field.
Of course, these anecdotes could
have been more enticing and life-giving with photos attached, that I consider
of getting a smartphone with high-quality camera, just like Huawei’s latest
smartphone, the Huawei P9.
I actually fell in love with a
Huawei P9 after checking out my friend’s phone. With its powerful Leica dual
lenses that can produce high-quality photos, whether it’s monochrome, slo-mo,
light painting and many more, this smartphone is ultimately the game-changer in
the field of mobile photography. With this smartphone always in tow, hobbyists
like me can achieve professional-ish images and can instantly share it to the
world. Nonetheless, I bet it’s the perfect phone and tool that can make me take
photos and instantly share not only for gaining many likes but also to deliver
God’s message in my so-called mission field – the social media networks.
In this own little way, I can preach His love to
others and be the instrument of change I want to see in the world.
So, why I am still single?
Maybe, it's because God wants me to enjoy this season by filling me with His love so that I can radiate this kind of love to others for the fulfillment His greater plan in my life.
Or maybe, God changed the way I see love so that I can also change the way how others see it as well - probably not in the same form as we expect it to be, yet still the same love rooting from its ultimate source, God.
